Comments on: Learn How to Embrace Pain and Change Your Life https://widow411.com/embrace-pain-change-life/ On a quest to make widowhood suck a little less Thu, 19 Sep 2024 13:18:59 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 By: Kim Murray https://widow411.com/embrace-pain-change-life/#comment-675 Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:13:22 +0000 https://www.widow411.com/?p=921#comment-675 In reply to Terri.

Terri, our stories sound so similar. I remember the anxiety of the Hospice nurse leaving me to handle eveything myself. I remember holding his hand while he took his last breath. I remember feeling like I’d never be OK again. And then glimmers of hope started to surface. I had dreams of my husband too and he was at peace and put me at peace. So good! The one thing we have as living, breathing humans is free will. You get to choose how to tell and feel and react to your story. I love that you have hope. It DOES get better with time. I know this. But I hung on tightly to hope and prayer to get there. This is what I know NOW: The love will sustain you, the pain will teach you, and hope will keep you moving forward. Keep loving, feeling and hoping. Keep on keeping on ❤.

]]> By: Terri https://widow411.com/embrace-pain-change-life/#comment-672 Tue, 28 Jul 2020 05:04:29 +0000 https://www.widow411.com/?p=921#comment-672 Hi, I’m just in awe of what you’ve put together considering your entire situation. I just got done “ugly crying” after reading your story. Tomorrow will be 7 months that I too, lost my husband to GBM. I’m sitting here tonight going through my inbox and happened to start reading Window411……..I am a curious type of person so I had to click on the long story and it just crushed me. Flooded my mind with the God awful, traumatic, soul crushing moments that happened to my husband and I. 13 months and 10 days he lived from the day they found the tumor after suffering a seizure at his work. In keeping my promises to him I took on in home hospice all by myself and I TRULY mean by myself. 12/24/19 I had a hospital bed brought in, several traumatic things happened within the 1st 24 hours that I had to scream, cry and BEG for any hospice person to come to my home ASAP & help him (he had blockage). They stayed and hour……..Christmas day he was out of pain but things were starting to happen that was bringing the end closer. I was so very alone. After that, it was just me………drugging him to death. I had no clue what so ever what hospice meant. When I met with them, they never, ever explain what that box of drugs was for and that I would be the one giving it to him. He died 12/28/19 at 2:41am. During his battle I never, ever left his side. He never even went in the MRI alone, I went in and held is leg so he knew I was there. Every single chemo, radiation, immunotherapy…..every thing. I quit my job to be his full time care taker. It was just us, that was how it always was with us and how we wanted our ending to be. He asked that he not fully understand that he was dying when the time came, that he be sedated and that he would pass at home. I did it and it almost killed me but I did it. I held his hand till Jesus came and took his hand in his. I saw all the pain leave him and the sweet relief of it being over. The last night we spent in bed together, he pointed to his is scar and said God is going to give me a bigger and better brain. He said I don’t want to leave you. But we knew we had no say in the matter. He told his co worker that visited him that he fought longer and harder then he would have liked but only did it for me. The things we do for the ones we love heart & soul. I just can’t believe it’s all happened, just like that……in a flash they have GBM and another flash they are gone while they are still alive and then they die. No one really gets how very different a GBM battle & then death is. I am so very sorry for your loss and for your boys. I am a very strong willed and glass 1/2 full kind of a gal. So I’m trying my best to stay glass 1/2 full but it’s a freaking struggle. Your site is the best site I’ve found so far. I don’t want to be a widow that is miserable, sad, scared and stops living. I’m 50 years old. I want to experience different & new things in life. That is what my husband wanted for me and he made it very clear I am to be happy. For now, I need to heal. Widow fog has hit me very hard. The pit of grief visits me more often then I’d like. But my will to live has started to visit me once again. I have glimmers of joy and hear myself laughing. There is HOPE. I have had 2 dreams where he has walked, talked, laughed and looked incredible handsome once again. That brought me such sweet peace. I never want my pain to end, I just want to learn to make space for it as you say and learn to live with it. My pain is a beautiful reminder of the unconditional love my husband gave me for 20 years. It’s just he and I still. We will make our way on this new journey until it’s my turn to be called home to heaven and back in his arms. Thank you for sharing your story, for putting all this information together, your ways of making this “lighter” and for giving me hope. Your amazing!!!

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