Comments on: The Real Truth About Faltering Friendships That Only Widows Know

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Mon, 02 Aug 2021 23:45:02 +0000

In reply to Joan Royer. Joan, I'm sorry to hear that 😔.

By: Joan Royer

Joan Royer — Mon, 02 Aug 2021 20:34:42 +0000

I’ve had to end my friendship with my sister. She’s ten years older and was acting like my mother
The day I decided that I was done was when she compared the loss of my husband to her divorce. She was talking about her loneliness
Wtf!! Your ex husband is still walking around living his life! They made the choice to end their marriage, I didn’t

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Fri, 17 Jul 2020 14:35:44 +0000

In reply to Antonella Totino. Antonella, it's no surprise widows have the same stories to tell over and over. People just don't understand grief so they try to avoid it. Which means avoiding you. Which is a crappy thing to experience after an already devastating loss. Even though it stings, it's not uncommon, like, at all 😔.

By: Antonella Totino

Antonella Totino — Fri, 17 Jul 2020 14:18:24 +0000

I have had so many tell me that they were sorry that they stalled coming to see me because they didn’t know what to talk about!!! I told them ” talk about anything!”
“We didn’t want to remind you”. ?? Remind me??? I don’t need others to remind me that my husband is gone. I only have to see my kids struggling, school teachers calling me bc my son cries at school bc everyone is making a father’s day gift!!!
A few weeks after my husband passed away, a “friend” of mine said ” well, now you’re a single woman”. ? What??????
Friends that we had had for years, at the funeral, said ” when the dust settles” we will get together. The dust has never settled and I never did see them again
Too many stories to tell
One of the worst was with one of my husband’s closest friends. We were all high school friends.
He helped with my kids for the first year but I think he hung around so I could help HIM grieve!!!!! So, earlier this year, he decided he’d had enough of my grieving and that it was too sad to visit with us. He became irritated that my younger son ( he was 14 when he lost his father) kept talking about his fun memories with his dad. WTF! ? The gaul to say that to him in my house!!!!!! Bye bye.
Also sad bc he was a close connection to my husband and as we were all high school friends. I ” grieved” losing this connection but as you mentioned, I feel better. He was too heavy a weight and I couldn’t handle worrying about his “grief” over mine and my kids.
Grief. What a journey.

Antonella

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 20:04:21 +0000

In reply to Suzie. Well said, Suzie 👌.

By: Suzie

Suzie — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 13:29:13 +0000

Bill – you are as much part of this group as any widowed person here.My mother died at age 33 mny years ago and it was not addressed at all. She left 5 children with an alcoholic father who remarried almost a year to the date of her death. My husband died 12 years ago and your post talked to me so thank you. I am very sorry for your heartbreak and for your children. I know & understand this heartbreak from a child’s point of view and a widow point as well. .

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Mon, 18 Feb 2019 12:59:22 +0000

In reply to BAilee.

Hi Bailee,

It hurts that we have to experience faltering friendships on top of everything else, but it helps to know you’re not alone 🙂 Thanks for reading!

By: BAilee

BAilee — Mon, 18 Feb 2019 03:30:24 +0000

Thank you for sharing this!! As a mom who lost her husband from suicide three months ago
I’ve already experienced so much of this.

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 19:40:20 +0000

In reply to Bill.

Hi Bill, thanks so much for your input.

To lose a parent at such a young age is devastating for our kids and so very difficult for the remaining parent to navigate. Especially when we’re riding our own grief waves. Ugh.

I’ve bought my own Christmas presents too 🙂

My kids still struggle, as do I, but we’re learning how to make the best of a crappy situation. Adversity breeds character and my kids, and I’m sure yours too, have it in spades!

By: Bill

Bill — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 04:38:45 +0000

Though I’m not a widow, I can relate to some of this Kim. My wife died at 44 of acute myeloid leukemia. From diagnoses, she was gone within 5 months. But I too, had long-time friends tell me after the funeral, “don’t hesitate to call. I mean it”. But, I always had the feeling they meant things like giving one of my kids a ride, or helping with something around the house.

Funny, but that stuff didn’t phase me as much as not being able to relate to anyone about the loss itself. Like, what it’s like taking your 10 & 7 year olds to a cemetery on Mother’s day, while they’re all out to brunch. Or buying yourself Christmas presents and wrapping them just so it feels a little more ‘normal’ for them. None of them can relate to the times like seeing your kid light up with a smile, but now you realize that the joy you felt in those moments was because you could share it with their other biological parent.

It’s hard creating a new normal for the family. Having to stretch yourself in ways you never did before. It’s been about 9 years now for us, and theres not a day that goes by where I don’t ache for them, and hope that they have long, healthy marriages and families. It certainly does make you appreciate your own health and the little things. I think your site will help a lot of widows. Great posts!