Hi Jill, give yourself as much grace and space as you need to navigate this crooked new path ❤.

Hi Michele, I’m very sorry for your husband’s diagnosis. My husband had terminal cancer too and I also tried to prepare beforehand, but I learned nothing can really prepare you emotionally for the aftermath of death. This is a learn-as-you-go process. However, I can suggest The Ultimate Survival Guide for Widows as a resource for you as you tackle all the post-death tasks you’ll be responsible for. I created this guide because it’s what I wish I had to help me when I was first widowed. You’ll find more resources on the website and do subscribe for weekly updates and new content. I’m sending truckloads of peace and strength your way ❤.

My husband always wanted me to be his stay-at-home wife, after the Breast Cancer diagnosis in 2013 age at 45, I did stay at home, in retrospect I should have gone back to work. So, I am his caregiver right now because he did not want to go into palliative care, he wanted to live his days out with me. Would someone still hire me after not working since 2013?

Besides the obvious things that I have to do before he passes on, what do I need for myself to prepare me for the financial issues, and the emotional issues? I am 53, I am good with being on my own; I am still young and don’t want to become a hermit. I figure that I will want to go back in January 2022 to give myself some time to grieve, I figure four months is August and six months will be October with his diagnosis made in early April.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, as I want to do the planning now.

Oh Kristin, this is everything! You are letting grief be a part of you just as much as every other emotion. You’ve learned that it’s not the feelings that cause any hardship but the value we place on that feeling. Knowing you can choose to “give up the belief that I would never be happy again” or any other optional belief that doesn’t serve you is everything. Thank you so much for sharing ❤!

About two months ago, I realized that I had a belief that I could not be happy because my beloved husband of 40 years was gone, it was an awakening. I realized it was double grief; the grief of the loss of my best friend and husband and grief for the loss of the possibility for my own happiness.

I knew that I had a choice about how to live the rest of my life. I decided to choose happiness, along with health and gratitude for the moment. I still get hit with grief tsunamis but I am finding that I have more moments of peace, more moments of contentment and there is a part of me that is amazed as I observe this change. I laid down an extra grief package when I knew I could l give up the belief that I would never be happy again.

I would also add that for me there was an intertwined belief that I could not be happy unless I was in partnership. I met my husband when I was 18 and my entire adult life was spent sharing every experience with him, from young love, to kids and grandkids. So, I have laid down the belief that I cannot be happy unless I have a partner as well. I miss sharing my life with my husband, but I realize that is no longer an option (as obvious as that sounds it took me a long while to accept that fact). I am learning that I am enough. I am learning that I can be happy with just my own company (even in a pandemic!).

For me, the passing of my husband ended the first book of my life. Book one was an amazing adventure and my gratitude for all we shared will never end. I am a different person now with different challenges and opportunities. I have the opportunity to create a different kind of life. Now it is time to create the 2.0 version of myself.

with gratitude for your healing words,
Kristin