Comments on: Why Widows Don’t Need Help Finding the Silver Lining

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 21:08:25 +0000

In reply to Connie Lewis. Hi Connie, you have an amazing outlook considering your tremendous losses. Plural 😔. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom ❤.

By: Connie Lewis

Connie Lewis — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 19:54:47 +0000

I loved this site. I have been a widow twice in the last 7 years. One after 23 years of marriage and the 2nd time after 5 years. No it doesn’t get easier but you do learn alot about yourself and what you can do. Some days are really hard others are pretty good as you say. People do say stupid things but I have gotten to the point that I can just ignore them. My life is changing again but I know I will make it better because I want better. Hang in there everyone.

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 23:03:49 +0000

In reply to Monica Taritas. Hi Monica, the suddenness must be so difficult for you. It's hard to accept any death, but the young ones are the worst. Sending virtual hugs ❤.

By: Monica Taritas

Monica Taritas — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 22:51:33 +0000

Thanks for this post! Although I am lucky ( or unlucky) to have two very good friends who are also widows. Both of their husbands were ill for a few years. Mine was unexpected and died suddenly, and a lot younger. They don’t say these things to me but not sure they truly understand.

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 11:29:45 +0000

In reply to Charlene Alonzo. Hi Charlene, I do know these feelings. They're the big, ugly, heavy feelings that almost crush you with their intensity. But I also know the huge, beautiful, lighter feelings of happiness and joy found after loss. Little by little happiness and joy come back if/when you let it. You'll get there too eventually. But you have to stumble through the muck first ❤.

By: Charlene Alonzo

Charlene Alonzo — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 05:42:52 +0000

Thanks for keeping it real. I’m so glad that I stumbled upon you. This is a club that I never in a million years dreamed I’d be a part of. Frankly, I hate every single part of being a widow- the heartbreak, the tears, the anger, The relentless grief, the feelings of hopelessness- not knowing what my future looks like and feeling like all my hopes and dreams have been shattered and thrown into the bottom of the deepest darkest ocean.
But then I don’t have to explain myself to you- you know these feelings intimately!
Thanks for keeping it real and speaking honestly from your heart ❤️

By: Kim Murray

Kim Murray — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 13:15:22 +0000

In reply to Bec.

Hi Bec,

I appreciate you, too 🙂 And your comment and your validation that we don’t need to be fixed. Just heard. I’m so happy when I hear about other “don’t know” specialists. Who can really know shit, for sure? No one I know. Let’s keep on keeping it real for the sake of humanity!

By: Bec

Bec — Sat, 28 Jul 2018 15:05:58 +0000

THANK YOU for this!

I was just commenting on IG to a fellow widow who usually only post positivity. Today she posted the “ugly” and I saw JUST HOW MUCH folks responded.

I told her that, while thanking her for her “positive” emphasis. I’m a cheereader too. A “silver lining” specialist, am I. UNTIL THIS.

Now I am a “I Don’t Know” specialist.

And God, how I wish others would join this more “real and honest” way of relating to one another.

I wanted to tell you that I have LITERALLY stomped my feet repeatedly like a spoiled two-year old throwing a tantrum and I SWEAR that afterwards it was like I just went to the best therapy session ever.

My husband was a “pastoral counselor” and was gifted in loving people with empathy and compassion,

He NEVER tried to fix people.

He often said to me, “People need to get it out, Bec.”

He was referring to being listened to. To being heard. To “getting the pain out.”

And he was an EXPERT at it.

I know God is good.

I know He loves me.

But, I pretty much don’t “know” for sure about much else.

And I don’t think anyone else does either.

I appreciate you.

So much.

And I’m sorry we are in the “category” of widowhood that neither of us probably ever imagined we’d be in.

Thank you again for writing. For sharing. For being freaking real.

Bec
@understandinggrief (which I am only at the kindergarten stages of)